Unexpected Connections

Insights from caring for an Alzheimer’s patient

If you enjoy ‘with ease’ and would like to support my work, plus be offered first refusal to book onto my writing retreats with best selling authors and discounts towards my therapeutic journaling workshops, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Thank you so much

Reflecting on the past two days, I’ve been humbled by the profound experience of caring for an elderly lady with Alzheimer’s.  Stepping into this role was both daunting and eye-opening for me, as I navigated the unfamiliar terrain with compassion, empathy and a warm cup of tea. Despite my uncertainties, Mrs W’s serene presence whilst she sat looking through the window over her enchanting garden, taught me invaluable lessons in simply being human.

It was a last minute cry for help from a dear friend of mine, asking if I could sit with her mother-in-law, as her carer had an urgent call and Mrs W had wandered off out the house.  I didn’t hesitate, and made myself available instantly.  It could have been my granny, and I’d hope that my friends would be able to help me in my moment of distress.  Well you would wouldn’t you??

As I chatted away with Mrs W, perhaps too energetically, she found solace in the gentle rhythm of words, unfazed by my internal worries.  Once I’d relaxed and silenced my chat, Mrs W shared stories of love, loss and a life well-lived, which painted a vivid picture of her resilience and grace.  My heart rate was so high. I’d zoomed in, checked over the surroundings and sat quietly next to Mrs W, who wasn’t at all perplexed by my concerns. “Breathe Tanya, just breathe” I whispered under my breath, trying to calm myself down. Mrs W was fine, she was calm, and very happy meandering in a world of her own. Eventually I relaxed and mirrored Mrs W’s body language, and with each passing moment her sparkling eyes and infectious smile reminded me of life’s precious fragility.  

What struck me most about being in the presence of Mrs W, was learning how to ‘just be’ in the company of someone with Alzheimer’s. How it can feel like navigating unchartered territory.  After a few hours, I realised it was about embarking on the present moment with empathy and understanding, letting go of expectations, and meeting her where she was.  It was about finding comfort in silence, allowing Mrs W to lead the conversation if and when she wanted to talk, or simply being there as a reassuring presence.  Because I was far too chatty at the beginning, I was nervous and worried.  What if I said the wrong thing, what if I’d upset Mrs W and then cause her to feel even more disorientated. Awwww, I felt out of my depth. But I needed to get a handle on the situation. It’s ok to not know everything about every situation that life throws at you. I was in safe hands. Mrs W was teaching me so much without even realising it.

In only spending two evenings together, I learnt very quickly how to connect on a deeper level, beyond words, through gestures, touch and shared experiences.  Most importantly, I learnt how to approach each interaction with patience, kindness and an open heart.  In those moments, I was trying to allow our relationship to unfold naturally.  I must admit I did have a tear in my eye, as Mrs W kept asking me which path was the way home, which field could she cross that would take her back to the farm where she worked, to escape her cruel teacher’s. Bless her heart.  

I am a different woman today, more empathetic and most definitely a better listener.  I have Mrs W to wholeheartedly thank, she made me pause for thought, she soothed my soul and taught me some very wise lessons about how to be human.  And all without realising, with so much ease.

My favourite word in the whole wide world is ‘Serendipity’, holding Mrs W’s hand and listening to her stories was serendipity at it’s best.

Saying goodbye last night was bittersweet, but I’ll carry Mrs W’s wisdom and charm with me, forever grateful for the privilege of sharing her journey.  Here’s to hoping our paths cross again.

Until the next time

Take care and stay safe xx