Undiagnosed ADHD

And the shame that surrounds it

Hands up if you’ve recently self diagnosed ADHD as a midlife woman?

My hand is well and truly up.

But I sit in two camps…

One being, I don’t want to be called out as one of those women who is jumping on the bandwagon for attention - oh not another woman saying she has ADHD!

The other being, feeling shame about the fact I have ADHD.

I don’t need to see a GP to get a diagnosis and frankly the waiting list is over 6 months long. But who can I talk to about my ADHD traits without them rolling their eyes, where are all the women who think and behave like I do, are there other women sitting in silence about self diagnosing their ADHD? So many unanswered questions…

Luckily, I’ve met an ADHD coach and oh my goodness, it’s been a life changing experience. Mainly because she is someone who doesn’t judge me, but supports me, helps and nurtures me on my ADHD journey and she doesn’t think I’m at all ‘dappy’.

With the guidance of an ADHD coach, I’m slowly but surely coming to terms with what it means to have ADHD. Helping me work out why I’ve done what I’ve done, both in my personal and business life and why now everything is starting to make sense. And no I’m not a failure and some tasks, that for the majority of people are easy, to me are really challenging no matter how hard I persevere.

Living with undiagnosed ADHD has been really challenging. Something I haven’t wanted to talk about. But I think now is the time to share. Because the more women that reach out and share their story, the less likely women will feel shame around having ADHD. It’s evident in the media that more and more celebrities are sharing their ADHD story, but for those of us that have’t had a professional diagnosis, it can sometimes feel like a dark secret. Like it’s not real. What are your thoughts on this?

Since reading every article on ADHD I can get my hands on, and speaking to an ADHD coach, it seems to me that undiagnosed ADHD in midlife women highlights several important points…

• Recognition of late-onset ADHD - historically, ADHD was often associated with young hyper active boys. However, research and awareness has grown to recognise that ADHD can persist into adulthood and be undiagnosed into later in life

• Undiagnosed and misdiagnosis - many women will have lived with undiagnosed ADHD for years, often attributing their struggles to other factors such as not being very bright, easily distracted, stress, mood disorders, or personal shortcomings.

• Unique challenges in midlife - the challenges that come with midlife including hormonal changes, life transitions, and increased responsibilities, can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, making it more noticeable and promoting women to seek help

• Overcoming shame - the stigma surrounding ADHD and the fear of being seen as ‘riding the wave’ can deter women from seeking a professional diagnosis

Dealing with feelings of shame and addressing concerns on jumping on the bandwagon can be challenging, but it’s important for us to remember that we need to have more self-compassion. We also need to recognise that ADHD is a real and treatable condition. Connecting with others going through similar challenges can help combat feelings of isolation and shame. By discussing your journey openly, it will help others feel more connected and seen. Don’t you agree?

If you’re reading this and it’s resonating with you, you might enjoy a book I’ve been recommended, written by Gabor Mate called ‘Scattered Minds’. It’s a bit scientific in some chapters, but it does offer real help and advice, giving hope to lots of ADHD sufferers of all ages.

I also highly recommend an online magazine ‘Attitude’ which features really interesting articles such as ‘The future of ADHD’; ‘ADHD and sleep problems’; ‘Making sense of your brain’ plus lots of useful resources, top tips, and webinars.

So basically, I’m really interested to start a conversation with you if you are a women who has recently self diagnosed ADHD. I’d love to know how you’re feeling about the fact you have ADHD, whether or not you’ve kept it a secret or whether you’re experiencing a radical shift in both your personal and work life. Let’s connect and share our ADHD stories!

In the meantime, I hope you’re enjoying a fabulous Friday afternoon and manage to rest over the weekend.

Until the next time

Take care & stay safe xx

Here is the link for the mag https://www.additudemag.com