The Muting of Midlife Emotions

And how to revive them

May 16, 2024

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Dear Friend

How are you today? Do you have sunshine? I do, so double yay to that!

I’ve been thinking lots about midlife emotions recently, specifically my emotions, my midlife friends emotions and of course my students on my Rage on a Page series. I’ve been asking questions such as… Why do I resist leaning into my strong emotions? Why on some days, do I feel super numb, not happy, not sad, just emotionless. I know why, it’s mainly due to the undue pressure I put on myself, the rollercoaster ride of being a company of one, the highs and lows of being a solo entrepreneur.

I’ve witnessed many women in midlife, who are spinning all the plates, dealing with relentless responsibilities and inevitable life transitions, which leave them emotionally fatigued. I know I’ve felt like this on so many occasions. Whether we choose it or not, the constant need to be the pillar, the nurturer, the problem-solver for our families and running a small business can take its toll. So no wonder there is little energy to truly feel and process one’s own emotions.

Which got me thinking, that perhaps this is why protective emotional numbness can set in. A craving for peace, calm and stability outweighs any desire to dive into the depths of sorrow or scale the heights of euphoria. I work with so many women that express how they feel, describing that they go through a huge mix of emotions, which can seem draining and exhausting. One of my students last week explained it really well to me, saying, isn’t it better to exist in an even, manageable state - content perhaps, but not joyous, and not devoted. Just a happy medium. Does this resonate with you at all?

I call it a muting of emotions, which becomes a coping mechanism, a means of self preservation in the storm of midlife’s demands and transitions. But it does come at a cost - almost a dulling of engagement with life, a disconnection from one’s passions and essence. I guess what I’m trying to describe here is that without giving a voice to the full range of emotions, one can’t fully experience the richness of being.

So what does one do? Runaway? Join a Buddhist retreat for a month? Travel solo in a camper van and go all digital nomad? After reading Hermit - a memoir about finding freedom by Jade Angeles Litton, I actually would be enjoy living in a tiny cottage by the sea for some “aloneness” time.

Happiness - A cottage by the sea filled with books, journals and a vintage typewrite

Thank goodness for therapeutic journaling, it is a balm for my soul and many others I know. If anything, it can be a powerful tool for women to reconnect with their authentic emotional landscape during this phase. It helps you create the space to explore, express and make sense of emotions in a safe, non-judgemental way.

If you’d like to try a guided journaling session, I’m hosting one today at 1pm via zoom for 45 minutes. Here is the link if you’d like to join me… Journal with Ease

In the meantime, I’ve curated a few therapeutic journaling prompts around the topic of our emotions

1. Which emotions do you tend to suppress or avoid feeling and why?

2. Describe a time hen you allowed yourself to feel gut-wrenching sadness or explosive joy. How did you experience it physically and mentally?

3. If your emotions were colours, what would your midlife emotional palette look like right now? Describe the shades and how they make you feel.

4. “I wish I could feel more…” Complete this sentence stem freely and explore what you long for emotionally.

5. Write about your biggest fear in expressing “too much” emotion. Where did this fear originate?

I encourage you to journal on a daily basis, even just one word, one day at a time. Through the practice of therapeutic journaling, you can begin to peel back your emotional numbing layers. By giving yourself permission to feel deeply again, be it joy or sorrow, you’ll be able to reclaim your emotional authenticity and vitality.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t journal. It’s now a non-negotiable daily ritual, one that keeps me grounded, it helps me explore the root to my emotions such as fear and self doubt. It’s a journey back to myself. The page provides a daily reminder of how rich my life actually is. If anything, journaling is an invitation to feel fully alive again.

Hopefully I’ll see you at 1pm.

Until the next time

Take care and stay safe xx

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