Pages of Resilience
The ability to offer hope by sharing an untold story
If you enjoy ‘with ease’ and would like to support my work, plus be offered first refusal to book onto my writing retreats and therapeutic journaling workshops, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Thank you so much.
“Make Someone Happy” what a gorgeous track for a Monday, it was played on the radio as I was heading home from walking the ridgebacks. You’ll have heard the dulcet tones of Jimmy Durante lots of time, especially if you’re a big lover of romantic comedies, such as "Sleepless in Seattle". Have a listen here… Make Someone Happy
I know it's a romantic song about how important it is to make someone happy, aka “ a lover", but in my humble opinion these lyrics could apply to anyone, strangers, friends, and acquaintances. And how important it is to make just some one happy.
“It's so important to make someone happy
Make just one, someone happy”
I want to dedicate this track to the lady I was messaging last night.
I’ll call her “L” to protect her identity. I’m so glad she reached out. She poured her heart out in one short paragraph, sharing her untold story via a DM. She explained she was estranged from her teenage son, not through personal choice, that her relationship was in crisis she was going through an awful time. But she wanted to let me know that my Substack and Instagram page has been a balm for her soul, and was helping to soothe her pain.
Her message stopped me in my tracks. It made me think again about the power of sharing an untold story, no matter how upsetting or heartbreaking it is read. Just to have someone, just one person you can 100% trust to share your untold story with.
“L” reached out on the back of me sharing my personal story, it had resonated with her, and she felt confident that she could share her untold story with me.
For just a few minutes last night we were there for each other.
When she described her scenario, I knew exactly how she felt.
I knew all about her worry, her upset, her fear, her guilt, her shame, all of these feelings that she, and I and many many mothers go through, when they are forced apart from their children and it’s out of their control.
Navigating the choppy waters of separation or divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. As a mother who has weathered the storm not once, but twice, I understand the unique challenges and emotional rollercoaster that comes with 50/50 childcare arrangements post a relationship breakup or divorce. My journey through this tumultuous terrain has been a bittersweet symphony of joy and heartache, triumphs and setbacks. But I live to tell the tale.
When my first husband and I parted ways, our eldest child was just a toddler and when my second marriage dissolved, our youngest was still in primary school. My super power became compartmentalising emotional pain. It’s a chapter of my life I really want to write about. One day, maybe I’ll have the courage to share my most intimate divorce diaries, but not today.
Despite the pain and separation, I am fortunate to have cultivated amicable relationships with both my ex husbands and our children have thrived in a blended family environment. However, beneath the surface of our harmonious co-parenting lies the lingering ache of emotional wounds that resurface as our children grow up and mature.
As I was explaining to “L” last night, therapeutic journaling has been my steadfast companion on this crazy emotional journey, offering solace and calm amidst the many relationship storms. I have literally raged on a page, recording the highs and lows of my post divorce life, from the initial shock and heartache to the gradual healing and acceptance.
Today, as I confront the echoes of past heartbreak and grapple with the complexities of blended family dynamics, my journal remains a beacon of hope and healing. It is a sacred space where I can unravel my tangled emotions, confront my inner demons and find clarity and calm within the chaos of my mind.
As I write this I’m thinking of “L” and hope she is feeling a little lighter today. And if my story resonates with anyone else, please know that you are not alone. While the pain of separation and or divorce may never fully dissipate, there is solace to be found in therapeutic journaling. Through refection, introspection and self expression, we can learn to navigate and channel our emotions into something more positive.
Maybe, you’re going through a separation or divorce, if you have a little time, why not make yourself a cuppa and join me, together we can work our way through one or all of my journaling prompts…
Reflect on your journey - take some time to journal about your experiences of separation and coparenting. Explore the emotions that arise when recalling the early days of separation, the challenges of coparenting and the progress you’ve made since then.
Balancing emotions - describe how you manage conflicting emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt and relief. Try and identify healthy outlets for expressing and processing these feelings.
Honouring your role - write about the unique role you play in your children’s lives as a coparent. Explore the joys and challenges of parenting separately and how you strive to maintain a sense of connection and consistency with your child/children.
Embracing forgiveness - explore the concept of forgiveness and its role in the healing process. Reflect on any resentments or grievances you may hold towards your ex partner or yourself, and consider how forgiveness can bring freedom and peace.
Looking to the future - envision the future you desire for yourself and your family. Describe your hopes and dreams, and goals for the next chapter of your life and consider how journaling can help you manifest these aspirations.
As I’ve navigated the complexities of divorce and co-parenting, I look back and think I’ve done a rather good job of coping with it all, even though it’s come at a cost. I thank my lucky stars that I’m able to trust in the pages of my journal, because journaling offers me a powerful tool for healing and growth. There are good days and not so good days, and there are really ugly days, especially when I’ve tried to process past traumas whilst envisioning a brighter future.
Journaling is my companion and it can be yours too, I guarantee it will help guide you through the ups and downs. It will also help you emerge stronger and more resilient. So I encourage you to embrace the power of your words. Over time may your journaling practice continue to be a source of comfort as you navigate life’s transitions.
If any of my journaling prompts trigger you, and you don’t have anyone to talk to, please reach out to me. I also work very closely with a qualified psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist, and Jo is a wonderful human being, one you can trust. I can share her contact details if you are in need of a qualified therapist.
Dear “L”, if you’re reading this now, just know that one day your life will be less painful, happier and you’ll be back spending time with your teenage son, keep on believing. Thinking of you.
Until the next time
Take care and stay safe xx
Make someone happy
Make just one, someone happy
And you will be happy too
Love this Tan xxx