Loneliness In Midlife Women

A growing concern...

Earlier this morning I read an article about the Loose Women star Andrea McLean, about her ‘loneliness’ following her recent struggles with long covid. The presenter mentioned that a lot of women she’d spoken to recently, worry about whether they’re relevant as they age, but particularly worry about the increased levels of loneliness that creeps in at middle age.

I can so relate to this as do many of my friends. We often talk about how there is an increasing prevalence of loneliness and isolation among our friendship groups. How it is a complex issue with multiple contributing factors. I find it to be really challenging to actually pinpoint a single cause to the loneliness.

Over the past decade I know exactly what caused my loneliness. I’ve lost count on the numerous occasions I’ve felt vulnerable and with that came a lot of shame. Now I’m at peace with it all and put it down to my colourful life experiences. I’d always whisper to myself ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have days where I still feel a little lonely and isolated. Don’t we all? I empathise with so many women of similar age who struggle in silence, whether it’s due to feeling lonely after going through a divorce, starting cancer treatment, taking redundancy, losing a partner to ill health and the list goes.

I hope you’re not feeling lonely today and if you are just know that I am thinking of you and I hope that by sharing my ramblings each day here on Substack, you feel a little more connected.

If it helps reading about my story and just for some perspective on how lonely I’ve felt in the past, I was divorced twice by the time I was 40, luckily for me both relationships have remained amicable and everyone, and I mean everyone get on really well. There is no animosity, if anything we all pull together like one big ‘Waltons’ family. But during the desperate times of separation and the actual divorces, I felt really lonely, upset, confused and basically lost my compass in life. More than anything I carried a lot of shame around the fact I was going to be divorced twice by the time I was 41. How was it even possible?! But hey ho, I survived double divorce and it’s one hell of a story, one I definitely would like to share, as I know so many women struggling with midlife divorce today and maybe by sharing my story it would be a much needed salve.

Oh and the joys of empty nest syndrome - my eldest child left for a gap year last October and it drained all the sunshine out of life. I went through a process of grieving that I never anticipated. My eldest son was my rock, a constant in my life and a wise man that made motherhood an absolute joy. The first few weeks he was gone there was a huge empty void to fill. I felt both weak and heartbroken wondering how I’d ever get over missing him. The loneliness, even though I had a busy life, a younger teen, 2 ridgebacks, a small business and loving partner to keep me company, I was walking around in a daze and feeling very lonely in a crowd.

Then the trials and tribulations that comes with launching a new business. Deciding and then leaving the security of freelance work was a shock to my system. There were many highlights and benefits to working for myself, but the loss of the corporate team camaraderie echoed in my memory for years. Even though office work and the whole 9-5 work ethos can be cumbersome, there is something quite soothing about always knowing you have colleagues to chat to, the joy of bouncing ideas off and share stories was something I deeply missed.

So in a nutshell when I was reading about Andrea McLean’s story on loneliness, it really touched a nerve. It made me realise, that it’s now more important than ever, that we make a concerted effort to build connections, like we are here on Substack. We need to raise awareness and prioritise mental and emotional well-being and when we do this together we can help more midlife women navigate loneliness with a renewed sense of community and purpose.

Until the next time

Take care and stay safe xx

PS - I launched a FREE 30 Day therapeutic Journaling Guide as a taster to my ‘Rage on a Page’ program which helps midlife women channel their frustrations into something more positive and profound. If you’d be interested in receiving the guide just sign up via my website https://www.easeretreats.com/freeprompts