Living In The Moment
Because all we really have is NOW
The waves roll in, heavy and loud like thunder, whilst I sit here searching for the horizon. It’s almost gone, due to the sky soaking up the ocean, more greys today than the usual sea greens and blues. It’s with a heavy heart I sit here in my favourite beach house. The only place I feel confident to runaway to. This magical place has cast a spell on me, so much so, I’m magnetised by it. I crave it like a long lost lover.
Without doubt, this coastal bay soothes my soul and makes my heart sing come rain or shine. I never feel lonely or isolated here, even when it’s only me and the dogs rattling around on all three floors of it. This my all time favourite house stands proud and tall, nestled into the hillside that hugs the bay. One of the most prominent beach houses in a cluster of many.
This is the thing. This gorgeous beach house has soul. This double bay Victorian property that I call my happy place. The one place I thought I’d be able to runaway to for another 30 years or so… is for sale!
These words I’m writing on my laptop are a blur on the screen. I need windscreen wipers to wash away my tears, as I so badly want to be able to continue on with my writing. I need to get these thoughts out of my head and onto the page.
Unless a miracle happens and I win the lottery, today could be my very last full day here. Right here, this moment, I want it to last forever.
Quite frankly, I should be able to cope with this feeling of loss. I should feel able to walk away from what is essentially not mine. It’s just bricks and mortar Tanya, that’s all it is. Because I know full well that there will be another beach house, in another cute coastal bay, in another year or so, I just need to find it. But will there be?! My gut feeling tells me, unfortunately Tanya, there won’t be a house like this, ever, anywhere, never! So rather than sitting here upset, allowing the tear drops to blur my vision, I need to soak up every last minute, every single moment of this last 24 hours and embrace it, breathe in each corner of every room, hug a wall if I want to, feel it, feel all the feelings.
Deborah Levy nailed this feeling in her latest living autobiography Unreal Estate, she wrote about how it feels about what makes a home, what it means to really love a house, and how to cope with thoughts of craving unreal estate.
This property is slipping through my fingers, like the grains of sand racing through an egg timer, the house I never want to say goodbye to, THE one I really want as my forever home, will soon be a distant memory.
How does one deal with this house grief? Do you have any advice for me? Any tips to make this pain go away? Please don’t be shy, leave me a message, as I’d love to hear what you have to say, maybe you’ve felt like this, maybe as a child when your family decided to move far away, or when you fell in love with a particular house which you thought would be your forever home?
What’s crazy is that I should know how to deal with this kind of upset, because I’ve moved house 26 times in my 48 years to date. None of those properties, houses or so called ‘homes’ that I lived in, affected me in the way this beach house has got under my skin.
How would you spend your last 24 hours in your most beloved house?
Where would you sit? Would you bake a cake? Prune the garden? Weep in bed? Daydream out of the many windows? Tell me, how should I spend my last 24 hours here.
The sun has just decided to shine down on the bay, I can see it battling between the rain clouds for prime position, bringing with it a blanket of bright blue sky.
So as time is of the essence, I need to go and sit in the garden to soak up the much needed vitamin D. Hopefully it will be the tonic I need to put me back together again. If only I could stop time. If only I had the power to make the world stand still, just so I have longer in this present moment.
‘Yesterday has gone, tomorrow has not yet arrived, so all we have is now’
I’m off to enjoy this thing called now. To cherish it. Because now is the best time of my life so far.
Until the next time, take care and stay safe
Tanya xx
Just sending love & wishing you & your house an easy a transition as possible to whatever is next x
This is such an interesting read Tanya! We’ve been grappling with letting our (by the sea) house out - maybe as a holiday home short or long term. I say grappling because it’s the only place I’ve felt “at home, at ease, safe” and it’s brought me so much healing. I can’t imagine letting it go forever but who knows... there’d be another adventure if we could find a way... maybe I’m just not quite ready. Sending you so many well wishes for your journey. 🏝️🪄✨