Good Grief!

Is there such a thing?

Why good grief?

Good grief as in… OMG I really don’t know what I’m feeling right in this very moment.

I am numb, yet I want to cry, but then I worry if I do cry, I’ll not be able to stop the tears flowing. I also want to scream but don’t seem to have the energy to give it justice and where exactly should I scream.

I literally have 8 minutes to write this post.

I won’t have time later.

I have to keep the promise to myself to write on Substack every day, come what may, for the whole year of being 49 years old/young.

Good grief, is there such a thing? I ask this question, because it’s the day after my friends funeral.

A heartbreaking experience.

What hit me the most was watching my dear friend Helen’s young children stand behind their mothers coffin. Her son Thomas who will be starting year 8, was unconsolable, he wore BIG sunglasses, I guess as a form of protection, to prevent everyone from watching his tears fall. Bless his heart. Such a brave boy.

I have a son who is only a year above Thomas in school. We spoke last night when I returned from the funeral and he said to me, “Mum, please don’t die, I really won’t be able to live without you. You are my everything. I love you more that life itself”.

‘Good grief’ I thought, how do I answer that statement?!

There were no words

All I could do was hold my son in my arms, trying so hard to hold back my tears, but they came like a tidal wave, unstoppable, a river of tears falling heavy and soaking through Sonny’s hair. He held me tight, two became one again. The minutes passed, I wanted the world to stop spinning as we held each other not needing to say another word. Our love, the mother/son bond in that very precious moment was unbreakable.

A moment I will cherish forever

So yes I do believe there is such a thing called ‘GOOD GRIEF’

What I witnessed and experienced in yesterday, has taught me so much, about love, about being a mother, a bond between a child and a mother, about living in the moment, appreciating what I have and respecting those who love me back.

More than anything ‘good grief’ has taught me to lean into my feelings whether it be sadness, confusion, anger, frustration, because being our most authentic selves with those that we love is all that we really have.

‘Good Grief’ doesn’t imply a lack of sadness or pain, but an acknowledgement of the positive aspects that can come from sorrow.

Until the next time

Take care and stay safe xxx