Behind The Scars
Seeking clarity in the shadow of pain
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Returning from a doctor’s appointment, especially one filled with uncertainty, can be a whirlwind of emotions. Today, I found myself sitting in the GP’s office, grappling with the persistent dull pain behind my cesarean scars and the unpredictable flair-ups in my tummy. It’s been a journey of frustration, trying to pinpoint the exact cause of my discomfort, both for me and my GP.
Apart from the constant pain I feel most days, I’m fascinated by cesarean stories, something us ladies don’t tend to talk openly about with each other. I never seem to be given the opportunity to compare scar wounds or describe in detail the traumatic birthing experiences I went through with another woman. Yet as a 49’er, I’m much more confident about sharing my cesarean experiences, as both my boys were born by c-section and both as emergencies. Oh the drama and the relentless guilt of feeling like I was a mother who was too ‘posh to push’. Quite the opposite in fact, as I’d have happily opted for a home birth on both occasions. Anyway, this is a story for another day. But if you have been experienced delayed problems and pain years after having a cesarean, then please do connect. I have a friend who is writing about the experiences women go through pre, during and post cesarean operations. Like my friend, I am so curious about what other women went through post c-section trauma.
As I left the GP appointment, I carried with me a bit more clarity about the potential reasons behind my tummy pain. Yet, despite the additional insight, I couldn’t shake the feeling of lingering uncertainty about the road ahead. The prognosis remained elusive, awaiting further tests and scans to shed more light on the situation.
In moments like these, I’m reminded of the invaluable role of a thorough and caring GP. Dr Froom’s diligence in investigating my symptoms and her willingness to explain what lies ahead over the coming months have provided me with a sense of reassurance, amidst the uncertainly. Clarity, even in fragments, serves as beacon of hope in the darkness of worry and confusion surrounding my health.
As I await more answers, I find solace in the pages of my journal. It has become a trusted companion, a safe space where I can track my daily movements, note the arrival of pain and untangle the complexities of my emotions. In the pursuit of clarity my journal has emerged as a brilliant sounding board, offering clarity where I’ve often felt uncertainty.
I’m leaning into the word ‘clarity’ this week, it’s not just a desire but a lifeline. It’s a means for me to navigate the unknown and be able to forge a path towards better health and wellbeing. One word at a time, one day at a time.
Until the next time
Take care and stay safe xx
PS. I’m hosting a ‘Journal with Ease’ workshop today at 1pm over on zoom. Just message me if you’d like further info on how to join. It is FREE for my PAID subscribers.
I hope you get more answers soon Tanya, and something to reduce the pain and discomfort you’re feeling 🫶🏻 sounds like you’ve got a great dr who listens, and takes the time to provide you with the necessary information you need. Love that you can share all your experiences with your journal pages, I’m sure that gives you some comfort.
Thinking of you x
Hi Tanya I can feel your pain literally. Anyone who is pregnant probably shouldn’t read the next bits.
When I was pregnant with Sarah I asked if it was true if small feet can mean small pelvis. My arse has never been small, I was very surprised when the answer came back yes! I am size 2 feet. Yes I am a very strange shape. I also had had to have a dermoid cyst removed when I was 4 months pregnant. They are ovarian cysts with teeth cartilage and others things in them. The cyst started growing when I became pregnant and was bigger than Sarah so it had to go ..... first scar straight down the middle of my abdomen.
I went into labour had a drip to help things along. 48 hours later Sarah very helpfully decided that she was fed up and disengaged from the process and went back. But as she had a monitor on her it showed she was distressed. So emergency Caesar time. She was absolutely perfect because her head hadn’t been engaged. She was the perfect baby. But for a few years I had pain which no one could get to the bottom of I had heat treatment. Then the old it’s in your mind. It did go eventually.
When I had George the consultant felt I shouldn’t go through natural birth as the same was likely to happen. Useful as I could book it during half term fit childcare for Sarah. The epidural took 2 hours to get into me. They were just about to give up. I was very poorly after with infections and a 2 week stay in hospital, 7- 10 days was the norm 35 years ago. I had various porters visiting me at various times as it was the hospital where I used to work. The scar this time was a bikini line. You could play noughts and crosses on my stomach.
Caesareans have nothing to do with being too posh to push. I can remember the guilt I felt when I had Sarah. NCT was very vocal in their views on natural child birth. It was not helpful for those of us who were not able to have a natural birth.
I would say what is most important is a healthy baby and mother. Both of us could have been at risk, both times. Therefore it was worth it. But they are painful and take time to heal on top of coping with a new baby.
Thanks for the memories Tanya. It is a bit of story but mine but worth it for my two wonderful children ❤️❤️