Aimlessly Wandering
How being more present helped me find my true purpose
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Dear Friend
How are you today? I hope you’re enjoying some down time on this rather fine Friday. I’m basking in the warm sunshine, feeling super happy after an invigorating walk along the shoreline with the ridgebacks.
As always I was deep in thought on my walk, pondering over what to write on my Substack today. Thinking that perhaps I should share more of my own personal stories about why I journal religiously, why I break some of the traditional journaling rules, rebelling against morning pages, yet reaping the rewards from consistently showing up on the page every single day.
My own experiences will resonate with some of you. Because, I know there are so many women like me who quit when the going gets tough, get bored with the same old wellbeing practices, struggle to find the time for guilty pleasures and crave exciting new stuff to invigorate their souls.
I spent years adrift, caught up on the repetitive loop of chasing exterior solutions to my inner restlessness. Climbing the corporate ladder, being mesmerised by toxic relationships, trying exciting new hobbies, moving to vibrant cities - I consumed them all, desperately hoping each new experience would finally satisfy the ache burning through me. But no matter where I relocated myself (I’ve lived in 26 houses and I’m only 49 yrs young, go figure!) that relentless sense of “Is this all there is?” trailed me like an obsessive shadow.
Basically I was circumnavigator of my own life, going round in circles, terrified to truly plant myself and look squarely at the dissatisfaction festering within me. So I stayed in constant motion, adopting new roles and narratives with the hope that I might finally stick and find my true purpose in life.
Until one day, I had the humbling realisation that I was getting nowhere fast. The frantic searching and self-abandonment had rendered me emotionally and financially bankrupt, I was out of sync with what my soul was craving.
It was then during the first lockdown back in March 2020, that I made a choice that would alter the entire trajectory of my life - I began to consistently journal - every single day. I was utterly fed upon with my superpower of “quitting” so I set myself a challenge to show up on the page every single day for as long as I was physically able. It was a brave and bold move. But here’s the thing, I only had to write one word a day. I gave myself the permission to write a word that was unvarnished, raw, and rebellious.
Those first entries, each word of the day were often quite depressing words, such as confused, angry, sad. But what I realise now is that they were words I had been lugging around for years, emotions I felt, but wasn’t sure how to express them or lean into them. Always compartmentalising. But over time, I allowed myself to be a maverick on the page, and radical things started to happen for me.
The more I held space for a word of the day, soon enough one word became a sentence and then paragraphs and within weeks I’d be sat journaling for almost a hour, pages and pages of “one word clusters” were literally spilling out of my fountain pen. I began to journal without judgement, without a filter. It became so cathartic and I began to reclaim ownership of my life’s narrative. Themes, patterns and core truths about my existence began to show up on the pages. Do you know what it gave me more than anything?? CLARITY. I could feel the threads of my soul being sewn back together, creating a wholesome me, a more confident and radiant woman and I bloody loved it. That's the thing, I absolutely love to journal. It excites me, it completes me, I am my most authentic self on the page and god damn I learn so much about myself, every single day.
With each passing week and month of religiously journaling, my purpose gradually revealed itself. Not through any cosmic download or bolt of lightening, it was simply an "A-Ha" moment. It turned out that my frustrations with feeling like an inadequate writer, a quitter, a morning pages rebel was a journey I had to take. I had to feel it all in order to create my own therapeutic journaling practice, one I could stick to and one I could share with other women. I was having life changing experiences and my purpose was to encourage others to journal “one word a day, one day at a time”. It was so simple. I now know that I was put on this planet to help other women develop soul-quaking levels of self-trust and sisterhood, to learn how to channel their emotions through the transformative vehicle of journaling. The page had been the sacred instrument that had helped me finally arrive at my core essence, and I felt beckoned to share these revelatory tools far and wide.
Now whether through my in person writing retreats or journaling workshops, I have joyfully taken on the role of journaling’s fiercest champion and cheerleader. I created Rage on a Page because I wanted to start a journaling revolution. To witness the profound changes that can occur when women commit to rage, truth-telling, sharing their untold stories and free flowing with emotion onto the page - it is the greatest honour of my life.
So while the world will tease you and tempt you with tantalising quick-fix solutions for finding your purpose, I’m living testament to the formidable magic that can materialise through simple acts of self expression on the blank page. I dare you to give it a go, try and journal one word, one day, at a time for the whole month of June. What have you go to lose?!
In the meantime, here are a few prompts that might springboard you into discovering what your true purpose in life could be...
1. If your soul could speak, what is the one piece of advice it would offer you on your current path?
2. Describe your vision for your most radiant authentic life in vivid detail. What does it look and feel like when you are fully embodied in your purpose?
3. One word at a time, one day at a time - reflect on what showing up with this mindset has allowed you to create or experience in your life.
4. Make a list of qualities, values and strengths that feel core to your essence. How might fully inhabiting those traits lead you towards your purpose?
5. What is one small, simple act you can commit to doing today that will make you feel more intimately connected to yourself?
If you have any specific questions or queries about the benefits of therapeutic journaling please reach out. You can contact me directly here or email me at hello@easeretreats.com
Until the next time
Take care and stay safe xx
What’s On 'with ease'
Creative Unblocking Weekend Retreat with Ease & Emma Gannon - only 1 bedroom left available. 16th-18th November 2024
Rage on a Page - next series now open for bookings, I’m looking to work with 4 women and there are 3 spaces left available. September 2024
Doing Hard Things with ease & Stacey Heale - SOLD OUT but there is a waiting list for the next retreat. Plus there is a bursary place for one lucky guest.
Digital Detox Weekend Retreat - coming soon October 2024 in a gorgeous beach house near Pembrokeshire. Join me to learn how to take back control on the amount of time you spend on your device, find new ways to entertain yourself, embrace more positive daily activities and generally feel more upbeat and happier,