Age & Love
Embracing the 'Toy Boy' phenomenon
Wow, I’m just back from a brisk dog walk with a dear friend, I’m still grinning whilst I get to the page, our topic of conversation for the majority of the walk was ‘dating much younger men in our midlife’.
My friend, who is freshly divorced, was now ready to join match.com. good on her! After enduring two long and exhausting years of dealing with a marriage breakdown, she had a spring in her step this morning. I wanted to hear all the juicy gossip!
Whilst discussing the highs and not so lows of match.com, I must admit I was wincing at the thought of going on a dating app, it’s probably the one thing in my midlife that I’m SO glad I didn’t have to get involved with. Bumble and Tinder were certainly not on my midlife bucket list and I pray to god it never ends up on my ‘to do’ list.
Whilst sitting at my desk wondering what to write today, I actually thought age has long been a subject of fascination and discussion when it comes to my own personal relationships - I am 49 and my partner is 36. We’ve been together 8 years.
Society often attaches labels and expectations to relationships with significant age differences, but why? One such label that seems to have resurfaced in 2023 is the term ‘toy boy’ which also makes me wince. At what age does a partner qualify as a ‘toy boy’ and does it even matter? Does this mean in today’s society my partner would be described as my ‘toy boy’?!
In the realm of love, age is just a number, surely?
The definition of ‘toy boy’ typically refers to a younger man romantically involved with an older woman. Whilst there is no fixed age threshold for what qualifies as a ‘toy boy’ relationship, if often implies a significant age gap where the man is notably younger than the woman. Maybe it’s just me, but the term has taken on different connotations in recent years. I personally don’t like it, as much as I really don’t like the description ‘milf’.
Age is just a number, right?
Consider me for a moment, I’m a 49 year old mother of two teenage boys, who has been in a loving relationship with my partner, who is 13 years my junior, for almost 8 years. Our connection has been a source of positivity and happiness in my life. He has not only defused the “trum” out of my menopausal nickname “tantrum” but he has been a steadfast source of support and joy.
It was in my late 40’s that I realised, real connection in a relationship is what really matters. In a world where superficial factors often take a precedence, connection and compatibility should be the main focus of any relationship, apart from the obvious.
In the case of my partner and I, our bond transcends age. On the whole we are there for each other through sickness and health, even though we aren’t married. Having gone through two divorces by the time I was forty, I have no intention of pursuing marriage for the third time. I have well and truly worn those tee shirts thanks very much.
What’s clear is that age, should not be a barrier to enjoying a happy relationship, no matter the stigma that society sometimes throws our way. In the end the term ‘toy boy’ is irrelevant. I told my friend to shake any feelings of shame around dating younger men, whether they are 10, 15 or 20 years her junior, go have some fun. I simply wanted to say “cheers to a vibrant love story and the exciting journey ahead”.
Until the next time
Take care & stay safe xx
💯 age is just a number! Who cares what your (or their) age is, the most important thing is that you’re happy! That you make each other happy. That’s THE most important thing! There was a very large age gap between my nan and grandad (28 years) but they loved each other dearly. Who cares about the judgements of others, as long as they were happy, that’s what matters 💖